I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
