Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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