I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
