im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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