My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
