Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
