What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
