Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
