Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
