Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
