i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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