Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
