haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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