Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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