Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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