I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Don't make out with my wife yet
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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