Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
All the doctor said was why
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
