he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
