I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
