careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
She's the barista slut.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
