On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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