More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
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