My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
