So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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