During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
