I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
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