She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
