Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
