Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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