Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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