So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
