Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
