i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
