I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
