What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
