If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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