so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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