Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
