I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I checked into jail on foursquare
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
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