once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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