Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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