i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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