A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
