I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
