If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
