do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
