he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
