hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
We have started to decorate penises.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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