And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
