State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
